I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
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just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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