I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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