does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
