Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
