guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
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We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
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He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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