Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
