one might say we're banned from that church
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
