Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
