That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
