How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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