Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
