I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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