as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
