i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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