I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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