His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
