just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
