I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You need Xanax blowdarts
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
