I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize