I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
