Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
