I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
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We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
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Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.