You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
try to milk me bitch
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