He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment