I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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