1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
