Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
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why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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