Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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