the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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