did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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