Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
