The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize