Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
