is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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