i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
