Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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