We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
