Walk of Shame. In a state park.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
