if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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