I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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