i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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