I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
