It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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