mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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