Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
