he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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