she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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