WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
