"it" just moved
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
