Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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