Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
