He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
