My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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