I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
