Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
