1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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