the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Even my vagina gasped.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
