Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
