this boner is exhausting
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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