So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
