i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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