i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
