Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
