Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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