my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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