i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
