Duck Duck Cougar?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
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