Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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