She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My penis needs a shock collar
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
