how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
All I want is dick and wine.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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