So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
