my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
worst night to have a conscience
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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