I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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