That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
