You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
