i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
porn star boner night. come get it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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