I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
