It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
