i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
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I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
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I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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