I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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