I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
