Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
