He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
