I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
