new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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